Recognizing the Circle

There comes a time when our unique, even totally awful experiences make us the best person for something that needs to be done. Take a ride with Sapphire Soul as she takes you to her experiences, one of wisdom and growth. By Sapphire Soul.

Shit Happens
There is a reason for everything. Autumn comes to make way for spring – a necessary sadness. Shit happens in life so that you may either learn something, or be in a position to help someone else in the future. Happened to me a lot of times.

One clear example was in being romantically linked, showbiz-like, to a married man with kids. Years ago. It’s not exactly something to be proud of in Catholic Philippines. Yet the experience taught me strength of character (or stubbornness, as others might call it). Would I value the opinion of a nameless sea of gossiping faces over a friendship that has remained steadfast and loyal over the years? I don’t think so.

It taught me humility. Being “clean” did not give me anything to be proud of; it only kept me sane enough to sleep soundly. Yes, I have an idea what Sirius must have felt like in Azkaban. I may deserve to be locked up for “hurting” those who “care” about my reputation or lack of it (but not me as a person), but ultimately as long as I wasn’t doing anything adulterous they need to accept that it’s my life, so quit the intervention. Still, that’s stubbornness.

Humility came in understanding the human weakness. Now I can hold a conversation with those who are weak without feeling superior or judgmental as I would have years ago before it all happened. Or at least, now I can catch myself at it and stop before I get too high and mighty, spouting off arrogant, condescending, and mostly unsolicited advice to those who just need someone to listen. Because that’s how I was, years ago.

Oh Goddess, Now I Get It
What capped it off at the last was this colleague at the office who emailed me with a “problem.” Of all the people to ask at our organization, with offices from Luzon to Mindanao and all the way to Africa and South America, he chose to ask ME what to do with his feelings for this woman he works with. It was so intense, he said. He would seriously consider leaving his wife and kids if this woman would accept his yet unrevealed feelings.

It’s just working in close quarters up in the mountains, man, let it go. But no, he said, his feelings were so real that he’d make love with his wife but see the other woman’s face. “Well,” I said in my email, “let’s fast forward your fantasies and say she does agree to be with you, and you leave your family for her. Stop thinking about your life and your feelings for a moment and consider hers.

Her life would be hell. In the small community where you both are, and within both your circles of friends, she would be labeled a slut, a home-wrecker. And oh yes, you’re already close with her family, aren’t you? Her grandmother was very nice. How do you think her family will treat her now? Like shit. Would you do THAT to “the one you love?” If yes, then is what you feel truly love or just plain self-centered obsession?

If you really love her, let your friendship stay as it is, because that is a good thing in itself, pure and untarnished. Take the gallant road and leave the Lady Guinevere in peace.”

Well, he seemed to heed my advice and high-tailed it out of there with his wife first chance he got.

The Point Is…
If I did not have an almost similar experience, would I have given the same advice in that same manner that made the difference? Probably not. When someone asks for help, there’s a distinction between telling someone what to do (and railroad them into doing it), and really helping someone think it out for themselves. If I simply told him, “That’s just plain wrong, man, you should do this, do that, stop it or else I’ll…,” would it have been effective?

There comes a time when our unique, even totally awful experiences make us the “best person” for something that needs to be done. It may not be clear right now, but at some point in the future, the circle of a bad experience will close, complete, its purpose finished. It might take a week. It might even take years. And sometimes, the circle might be one of discovery. Maybe a non-painful but highly unusual string of events are happening around your life because there’s something there that you need to help you solve a long-standing problem. I can think of another example, but that’s for another article.

Open Your Mind
Looking back this year, why do you think things happened the way they did in YOUR life? Maybe the cosmos is trying to tell you something. Think karma. It may not always be easy (in fact it seldom is), but pay attention to what life is teaching you, apply it, and in perfect love, help others learn the same.

One more lesson learned, to jot down in your book of shadows as you prepare for Samhain and graduate to the next cycle of life, the next level of learning.


About the Author: A claustrophobic Virgo, SAPPHIRE SOUL is a licensed forester and is currently working as an information officer for an agro-forestry research org. Because of her eclectic mix of beliefs ingrained since childhood, she sees no contradiction between Catholic and indigenous belief systems (as well as Wicca), and have found a way to seamlessly blend the two in her life.

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